WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?
My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
My good feelings about me come from your approval
Your struggles affect my serenity
My mental attention is on solving your problems
My energy goes into taking away your pain
My mental attention is focused on pleasing you
My mental attention is focused on protecting you
My mental attention is focused on manipulating you
My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
My hobbies and interests are put aside so I can share yours.
I feel that your clothing or personal appearance reflect on me
I feel you behavior is a reflection of me
I am not aware of how I feel; I am aware of how you feel
I am not aware of what I want; I ask what you want
My dreams for the future are linked to you
My fear of rejection determines what I say and do
My fear of your anger determines what I say and do
I use giving as a way to feel safe in a relationship
My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
I put my values aside in order to connect with you
I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of your life
My worth as a human being depends on how helpful I am to others
When I think of myself, there is no one there
When someone asks me how I am, I talk about you instead
I am afraid to assert myself because you will get mad or tell me I’m wrong
If I don’t make you happy, you will leave me and I will die
I tell myself, he needs me / she needs me
I am dependent on you, and you are dependent on me
CHECKLIST OF CODEPENDENT BEHAVIORS
Assess for yourself the following statements that you often or always agree with.
1. I have difficulty saying “no” when people ask me to do something.
2. I feel responsible for other people–their feelings, thoughts, wants, needs,
well-being and ultimate destiny.
3. I try to please others but have a hard time being good to myself.
4. I feel compelled to help solve someone’s problem, or offer advice.
5. I can anticipate other people’s needs.
6. I sometimes wonder why others don’t do the same for me.
7. I seek approval from others by saying yes when I mean no or doing things other
people are capable of doing for themselves.
8. When other people criticize something I do, I feel like a failure.
9. I put off doing or saying things if it will upset someone.
10. When I experience approval, I often become over-involved or over-committed.
11. If something I do is not done perfectly, I become impatient.
12. When others point out an imperfection in me, I become defensive.
13. If I am not in control of a situation or project, I feel panicky.
14. I frequently compare myself with other people to see if I’m OK.
15. I feel insecure or guilty when somebody gives me something or helps me.
16. I feel safest when giving to others and/or find it hard to ask people for help.
17. I don’t know what I want or need.
18. If I do know, I tell myself what I want or need isn’t important.
19. When other people seem to “have it all together,” I feel inadequate.
20. Deep down inside, I don’t really like myself, and I hide this from others.
21. I sometimes blame or criticize people or outside forces for my circumstances.
22. I have a difficult time getting myself out of unhealthy relationships.
23. I sometimes compromise my values to stay in unhealthy relationships.
24. I often feel burdened with, “If I don’t do it, then no one else will.”